wanWan

I know my temper is not good. I really know that my temper is not good. I cannot communicate with mum. I cannot communicate with my brother. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t understand me.

I know is my fault by raising up my voice on u, mummy. That is because I don’t understand you either. We don’t understand each other.

Today is really a bad day for me.

I raise up my voice on mum, I argue with my brother. I cannot communicate with them. It is all not their fault. I cannot ask them to accept everything that I said. I cannot ask them to accept my way. The only way that I can do is to change myself. Change my bad temper.

Mum, you don’t always say is my fault la. You don’t always say that I’m bad la. You don’t always say that I’ve no heart la. I really love and respect you. You teach la. Teach me how to communicate with you. Teach me how to be your good girl. I change for you ok?

I have tried. I tried many times to behave well. Make you happy. The only thing that I keep from you is my bf. I’m sorry I’m hiding my relationship from you. But you told me not to ever trust and put my own destiny on other people’s word. I believe, if I do good thing now, everything is going to be fine. I’m going to do good in everything. I can face every obstacle in front of me with my own trusting. Forgive me ya mum if i really give such a hard time for you to communicate with me all this while…

Dad, gamble might be a part of your life. Maybe you are feeling regret now. I know you have stop you habit. It’s never too late. I know you are working very very hard for us. Thanks daddy. I really hope I can help you. I want to help you. Dad, thanks for being a wise man. You teach me a lot of thing. Yet I learn nothing. I really respect you. I don’t want to see you walking on such a hard road just because of your one mistake.

Dad, I just realize..
You work 7days in a week. From morning til night. And now you have your own business as your second job and you still have to work. Come back home only at wee hour almost everyday.

You give all the best to us and didn’t leave anything for your own.
How many times in your life that you buy new clothes for yourself when your all hard earn money go to us?
You are in your 50s now. But you still work for our living.
You don’t have chances to travel at all.
You keep all those hard time to yourself without complaining a single word in front of us.
You never complain before.
You never did.

Dad, I cannot promise anything to you.
But I’ll try my best
I’ll try my best
In whatever that I do.

Dad, thanks for supporting me
Thanks for letting me to make my own choice.
Thanks for trusting me.

I love you daddy
I love you mummy
And I love you too my naughty brother.

Haha... yesterday i ended up dating with sunsun and crabby...
I play that basketball again with crabby
this time, we did hit target... we manage to reach the challenge level with 297pts
not bad la... haha
I feel happy la...
coz no more nightmares last night!!
yeah! i really had a good sleep....
just now, i clean my room abit...
now on facebook again...
aaaaa..
gotta start harlina's work now....>.<

I just have my lunch
Hour before, I was lying on my bed.
And I have nightmares again..
This week, i have been dealing with nightmares almost every night,
or almost every time when i was laying down on my bed with my eyes closed.
All these nightmares came from my negative thoughts i think.
I cannot stand it anymore
I feel that it's all so damn fucking annoying!
I aint gonna let them bring my emotion down!
So, i told myself just now
Not only just now but from now onwards..
I told myself to think positive
Destroy all those nightmares, destroy all those useless thoughts
I wanna bring myself to my positive state again..
And i have to!
Now, i'm feeling better...
Hope i'll recover from what I'm feeling last night..
I need to love myself..
be confidence no matter what...
nothing is impossible unless we give up on it.
Im doing harlina's work now...
And omg, my room is really a mess..
how am i gonna be an interior designer?
I sure can work on it!
gotta clean my room later..
Gambateh to myself=D

ah...
I have told myself not to think negative...
not to have any negative thought...
But if i ignore this negative feeling, i'll be the most selfish person for myself...
If i ignore this complicated thought, i'll be the most selfish person for myself...
I cant tell you my feeling...
You will only think that it's useless to think sth like that...
I've never be winning for so long...
I keep on losing...
But im not a failure...
Because i keep on trying...
The first time i join the furniture competition...
I never win anything but I know i'm the best...
because i really put my heart in it...
Today, is my first time throwing basketball with you...
in pyramid...
outside CF...
we never hit target...
but i feel so happy...
because i did try my best...
I enjoy being with you...
but sth tells me that i cannot be so selfish...
Today...
I really enjoy ICE AGE3 with you...
but when I see those happy family (the iceAge family)...
I look at you in your arm...
I feel that you deserve better...
My heart is squeezing in pain...
If it's time to let go, i'll...
I cannot be so selfish right?
Why is it so hard for me when it's so easy for almost everyone?
You certainly deserve better don't you?...
I really that care...

It has been a busy day today.
After being labeled as one that look so pity and innocent acting by someone that i care most, i move on my day on my own.
I have had a world wide hotel presentation in swan's class.
I shown her my sofa design.
She said 'are you gonna submit these paper like this? is a competition wor!'
Alright.. that's the time i realised that I'm submitting working paper.
So, I gotta stay after class to refine my submission stuff and that's how headache begin..
Lots of thing to rush..
but really need to apologised to xiau yee for not helping her to print on time
printing shop closed earlier today...
Keng chun and i purposely went to subang to help her print but by the time we reach back TOA, ID department has closed. Hope her drawings are still accepted on Monday...
After all those hetic, keng chun and i decided to watch movie..
HORROR MOVIE
gosh... I'm so excited coz not many of my friends dare to watch.. haha
so, we went to watch 'Drag Me To Hell'
nice movie with good story line... it got some funny scenes.. the effects were awesome...
Really enjoy it...
And i cant believe I scream!!
Yes! i did scream!
lol
i even ask kc, 'just now did i scream?? did i scream whn ppl din scream??'
lol
he cant answer me coz he screamed as well!!
hahaha
but i really enjoy this two hours inside.
no stress no pressure
just me myself...
i love you wanWan
just don't take things so hard...
and all things will be fine...
I know you are hurt...
hurt by all those words...
hurt that those words came frm the person you care most...
but wanwan, you know that you are not acting pity or innocent..
you are not...=D

It's my second class of the sem already o. Only two assignment in hands but I can see that there's lots of work to do cause I have yet to start anything yet. What more are going to happen on tomorrow and sat's class? Meaning more assignments to come lo... "OMG, assignments again... deadline's coming... so many to do... how to finish???" Haha... this is what will usually happen on me. But I won't let all these happen again this time. I need to enjoy the work which I think I do, that is IF I didn't rush my work!! Alright, that means I've to start doing now...

However, today I got a bit shock about the result especially on the subject, Special Element 1. Some people which I think doesn't worth getting such grade which is on a higher mark than we all expected. Some I think has the biggest improvement with creative work I think, got a mark just above the passing line. In fact one of my classmate needless to mention who, has been trying hard on every single class for the subject, were categorised far from passing line by the lecturer.. So, what's going on now? Is there some misjudging going on somewhere, anywhere that we didn't realised? What the lecturer sees that we can't see?...or... What we see that the lecturer can't see? Who's fault? Or is there any mistake/mistakes? Humans mistake?? Hmm... But I think we are going to find it out this saturday. Anyhow, Yuet is really a good lecturer. I personally do think that I learn a lot from her. Though many things happened, I still hoping that she'll still be our lecturer in Special Element 2...

Whatever that happen, I hope everyone of them still carry on. Don't ever give up. As for me, I'm telling myself that everyday is a good day. Every obstacle is a challenge to become a better and stronger person. I'm letting go every negative thing in the past, looking for a better today and tomorrow. Everyday I must be happy and enjoy whatever that comes... Think positively on everything that falls. Wooo~~ alright, I'm not exactly there yet... I'm still learning to be that kind of person... ^^

~9.14pm~

I thought I'll leave this blog forever. But i claimed back this blog, my blog recently-a month or two ago if i'm not mistaken. It's near mid 2009 now... many thing has changed. I'm not in Form 6 anymore but in the third year first semester in TheOneAcademy majoring in Interior Design with new groups of friend, and am currently in a relationship (which i think is still floating here and there)...

I'm feeling so happy right now. Not forgotten to mention that today is my very first class of this new semester. In my first class with Eric Leong (a well known interior designer/decorator in Msia), I grouped up with kengChun (my best jiMoi^^) and sunSun (my darling~~). We did quite well in our first presentation. I do believe we are the perfect group of all... I feel so happy to work with them.

3 hours times in forever21 is also a very memorable day to me. I dunno why. But i just enjoy this few hours with these two best pals to the fullest. KengChun is really a good one to shop with. He, though is a guy he really can understand fashion. Maybe he use to shop with his mother... haha.. SunSun on the other hand, is totally the opposite..lolz.. maybe it's because kengChun is around to awake her craziness. I tried on a lot of nice dress... But the very first dress I fall in love with is the green dress. I really love the way it looks on my body... hahaz.. That dress is my favourite. It's chunChun's fav as well. I love shopping... really love shopping. At the end of the day, i bought two dresses and one orange T for just RM 153!! Plus another RM50 worth of jewellery voucher... It really worth every penny I spent.

I missed JasonOoi's Zumba class today. I'm going to miss Lingerto's yoga class too=( Really bu shi de a.... 3 weeks to go and my membership in CF will end. I really hope i can continue the membership cause I already fall in love with that zumba and yoga class. I dunno how to dance but I'd love to learn. I really love to see how my body can move around like never move before.^-^

Shopping, dancing, singing (once before), travel are all my dreams. I think myself as a pretty one with a good personality though i admit i do have my dark side which is my bad temper, I still do think that i'm pretty and I have what it takes to achieve what i wanted and dreamt. I do believe. Maybe I cannot do all of them now, but I Believe i can in the future. I do believe.

Apart frm all the happy things that's happened which i'm hoping that it's still happening-progressing-going on----wht more? I'm falling sick now-when is the last time im falling sick? hmm... i think it's almost a year ago... wooo~~ i don't want to fall sick anymore>.<
Haha.. it doesn't matter. I know i'll be alright soon. My cousin-Pat's advise still ringing there in my ears... Be positive no matter what happen...

I'm only myself who love myself more than anyone else. =D

~19.26pm~

The pic says it all. It definitely meant something to all of us... Can't wait for another moments like this liao............ haha ^-^