wanWan

I know my temper is not good. I really know that my temper is not good. I cannot communicate with mum. I cannot communicate with my brother. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t understand me.

I know is my fault by raising up my voice on u, mummy. That is because I don’t understand you either. We don’t understand each other.

Today is really a bad day for me.

I raise up my voice on mum, I argue with my brother. I cannot communicate with them. It is all not their fault. I cannot ask them to accept everything that I said. I cannot ask them to accept my way. The only way that I can do is to change myself. Change my bad temper.

Mum, you don’t always say is my fault la. You don’t always say that I’m bad la. You don’t always say that I’ve no heart la. I really love and respect you. You teach la. Teach me how to communicate with you. Teach me how to be your good girl. I change for you ok?

I have tried. I tried many times to behave well. Make you happy. The only thing that I keep from you is my bf. I’m sorry I’m hiding my relationship from you. But you told me not to ever trust and put my own destiny on other people’s word. I believe, if I do good thing now, everything is going to be fine. I’m going to do good in everything. I can face every obstacle in front of me with my own trusting. Forgive me ya mum if i really give such a hard time for you to communicate with me all this while…

Dad, gamble might be a part of your life. Maybe you are feeling regret now. I know you have stop you habit. It’s never too late. I know you are working very very hard for us. Thanks daddy. I really hope I can help you. I want to help you. Dad, thanks for being a wise man. You teach me a lot of thing. Yet I learn nothing. I really respect you. I don’t want to see you walking on such a hard road just because of your one mistake.

Dad, I just realize..
You work 7days in a week. From morning til night. And now you have your own business as your second job and you still have to work. Come back home only at wee hour almost everyday.

You give all the best to us and didn’t leave anything for your own.
How many times in your life that you buy new clothes for yourself when your all hard earn money go to us?
You are in your 50s now. But you still work for our living.
You don’t have chances to travel at all.
You keep all those hard time to yourself without complaining a single word in front of us.
You never complain before.
You never did.

Dad, I cannot promise anything to you.
But I’ll try my best
I’ll try my best
In whatever that I do.

Dad, thanks for supporting me
Thanks for letting me to make my own choice.
Thanks for trusting me.

I love you daddy
I love you mummy
And I love you too my naughty brother.

Haha... yesterday i ended up dating with sunsun and crabby...
I play that basketball again with crabby
this time, we did hit target... we manage to reach the challenge level with 297pts
not bad la... haha
I feel happy la...
coz no more nightmares last night!!
yeah! i really had a good sleep....
just now, i clean my room abit...
now on facebook again...
aaaaa..
gotta start harlina's work now....>.<

I just have my lunch
Hour before, I was lying on my bed.
And I have nightmares again..
This week, i have been dealing with nightmares almost every night,
or almost every time when i was laying down on my bed with my eyes closed.
All these nightmares came from my negative thoughts i think.
I cannot stand it anymore
I feel that it's all so damn fucking annoying!
I aint gonna let them bring my emotion down!
So, i told myself just now
Not only just now but from now onwards..
I told myself to think positive
Destroy all those nightmares, destroy all those useless thoughts
I wanna bring myself to my positive state again..
And i have to!
Now, i'm feeling better...
Hope i'll recover from what I'm feeling last night..
I need to love myself..
be confidence no matter what...
nothing is impossible unless we give up on it.
Im doing harlina's work now...
And omg, my room is really a mess..
how am i gonna be an interior designer?
I sure can work on it!
gotta clean my room later..
Gambateh to myself=D

ah...
I have told myself not to think negative...
not to have any negative thought...
But if i ignore this negative feeling, i'll be the most selfish person for myself...
If i ignore this complicated thought, i'll be the most selfish person for myself...
I cant tell you my feeling...
You will only think that it's useless to think sth like that...
I've never be winning for so long...
I keep on losing...
But im not a failure...
Because i keep on trying...
The first time i join the furniture competition...
I never win anything but I know i'm the best...
because i really put my heart in it...
Today, is my first time throwing basketball with you...
in pyramid...
outside CF...
we never hit target...
but i feel so happy...
because i did try my best...
I enjoy being with you...
but sth tells me that i cannot be so selfish...
Today...
I really enjoy ICE AGE3 with you...
but when I see those happy family (the iceAge family)...
I look at you in your arm...
I feel that you deserve better...
My heart is squeezing in pain...
If it's time to let go, i'll...
I cannot be so selfish right?
Why is it so hard for me when it's so easy for almost everyone?
You certainly deserve better don't you?...
I really that care...