wanWan

Last week was the busiest week I ever had. I've been sleeping for only 3 hours in 5 continuous days. I have to weak up at 5 a.m. every morning. School until 1.30 p.m and then stayed back for activities until evening and then do my bio project until 1.30 in the morning. That's terrible!! I din't even have the chance to rest. Although I'm tire, I enjoy it. Even though sometimes thing did not work the way I want it to be, but I'm still happy doing what I'm doing now.....GaMbAtEh!!!

After going through all the bad things this morning, we finally reached our destination, our Bio research site. It was sizzling when we reached there. Fortunately, it didn’t rain out. If not, it will be our worst day of the year!! hehe….

I brought along my camera and I was having a lot of fun taking picture of various kind of insects. I have never seen some of the insects before. The land is really rich of insects. A lot of various species of butterflies and moths and dragonflies were found there. They were all different in colour. I should have done my insect project there. But, it’s too late to regret now…..suan bah!! We even saw a small cockroach there. It was of a different species. We also saw various type of grasshopper. Some of them were as green as grass and some of them were light brown like dead stems or dead leaves and some even possess a few colours to match the colour of rocks. It’s amazing to see how the colour of their body acts as a camouflage to protect them from their predators. Then, I spot a beautiful caterpillar attached under a branch of a small tree. It’s very different from the worms. I’ve never see all this things with my own eyes b4. Really happy to experience it. It’s a wonder of nature and I think I begin to fall in love with it. I feel very happy to see all this wonderful creatures living freely and harmoniously on that small piece of land. The land belongs to them and I really hope that human beings will never take it away from them. I would b very happy if i can b like them....zhe you zhe zai de shen huo....^-^

After we left the idiot store, we went to the bus-stop. We will be going to the undeveloped plot of land near Hui Yee’s house to do our Bio project. While waiting for the bus, we didn’t talk much. We were all in a very bad mood. Hui Yee was sitting and talking with Chee Wei while Kit Yee and I were standing near them. Suddenly, I saw Hui Yee crying. I know what was going on. I guess she was crying because of her problem with her family. She had told me the story that morning. I know if I approach her, her crying will become even worst. So, I just let her cry. This was the first time I saw her crying. I think I understand her more now. Even though sometimes she seems like she is fine when something happens, even though she was acting like that is no big deal, she is just like us. It just that she kept them too much in her own.
Hui Yee, if you really got problems, don’t keep it in your own. Although sometimes we might not be able to help you with it, it’s at least you share it with someone, someone that you trust. It will be a lot better than keeping it into yourself. Hui Yee, GAMBATEH!!!

I have an AJK meeting with the PBSM this morning. We discuss about the camp we in charged of. I’ve never join any camp before. So, this is my first time. I enjoy the discussion very much and I think the activities we planned are very interesting. I hope everything will goes according to our plans. I hope everybody who joins in the camp will enjoy it. Just can’t wait for the early of next month!!

After the meeting, Tan and I went for lunch beside Raju restaurant near our school. Chee Wei and Kit Yee accompanied us. Later on, we saw Wynn Jersey, our camp head and he joins us together. We have had a nice conversation. I thought this was a nice day. Whoever knows there is something awaiting us in just a few minutes time that will spoilt our mood COMPLETELY!!

After the lunch, we went to a nearby store to buy a 200ml tin for our bio project. However, we can’t find any. So, we tried to find some tin which is about 200ml or more. Then, out of a sudden, the store’s ‘tauke’ scold us. He asked us to do our discussion outside and he said that we were disturbing his business and had scared his customers away!! He also said that we should use our head and even scolded us stupid the time when we left his idiot store!! This is so RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . Is it wrong to TALK in his store! There is only one customer when we went into his store and the customer had left after paying for his things. No other people pass by his store after that. Is it because that we were wearing student t-shirt that make him thought that we were trying to steal his DUSTY STUPID magazines and DIRTY EXPIRED foods!!! I really can’t stand it anymore. He is a jerk!! If not because our school is just nearby, I’ll definitely ask that idiot to close his store and ‘guai guai’ eat and sleep in his house!! A customer is always a customer and you should respect them no matter who they are. He is SUCK and just a FUCKING IDIOT!!! I will never go into this fucking store again. He thinks his store is made up of gold ‘siong gam’ and worth a million dollar. It’s nothing but just a SHIT!!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUH!! I feel very good now. I don’t mean to scold that idiot this way. I just want to let my anger out. I’ve keep this for the whole evening. So, be careful when you shop at this kind of store!!

I’m having cross country practice today. It’s a fun activity actually but I don’t feel like running today. Fortunately, I was exempted from the practice. I’m one of the PBSM members and I was told to help out those who got injured during the practice. My team stays in school. Yoke Nam is in the same team with me. Then, I got to know this kid, Wai K. He is our team leader and I’m one year his senior. He is quite sporty (got a lot of dirty joke) and can mix around very easily. I also got to know this Malay kid. If I’m not mistaken, his name is Hafizi… I found out something from them. They told me that they are not in the same boat with Radzi, our PBSM head. This surprised me. No wonder I never see them during PBSM meeting. I understand how they feel. I would be like them too if I’m in their shoe. However, I still hope that we can cooperate and work as a team. We still need their surport...
We had had a good conversation before the runners reach the school. Nobody got serious injury on the way. However, one student got a serious cramp in his leg. Since Yoke Nam and I are inexperience, Wai K helps him out. He got quite serious when helping him. But, he still comes out with some dirty joke as usual. Haha… We quite pity the student. He’s still in great pain even after an hour of treatment. We finally decided to get some help from Encik Badrul, our sport teacher. The teacher insisted that the student might have his muscle torn!! OMG!! I hope that's not true!!
We finally went home after the student was sent to the hospital. I really hope things like this would not happen again during the real cross country.

4th February 2006
I’m back from back from Ipoh yesterday. This 4 years CNY have leave me with a very special feeling. Every time during CNY, every time I went to my ‘wai po’ house, every time… every time I saw him, this feeling keep on coming back and it’s growing stronger year after year. Yea, I know what this feeling meant. I have tried to forget it; I have tried to throw it away; I have tried to cover it up with black clothes; I have tried everything I can… but, it’s useless. I am only lying to myself. No matter how many times I got hurt days after CNY, after he went back to Sg, I still have this feeling for him. No matter how many times he hurt me, I still have this feeling for him. No matter how different he is when he is on 9, I still can’t forget him. I thought that it’s already enough as long as I can see him. Although it’s only once a year, although it’s only two days every CNY, although it’s only two days… it’s already enough. But, is it really enough? Is it really enough? I was wrong. In fact, I want more than that. I want to be more than a friend with him.
Now that he has went back to Sg. He didn’t greet me good bye as usual this year because I don’t dare to look at him. I don’t dare to look into his eyes as what I did years before. Then suddenly, ‘yi jiong’ ask me to drive as I did not drive for 10 months. He asked me to drive to the station where he and family were waiting for the bus. I was very happy. I did not care how far it’ll be. I just know that I’ll be safe as long as ‘yi jiong’ is sitting by my side. I just know that I want to see him one last time. There is nothing in my mind except him. Who knows what will happen next year. I want to see him… to say good bye… However, I can’t fight with destiny. We went to the wrong station... ‘Yi Jiong’ got mix up. But still, I have confidence that I'll see him which I din't at the end...
I’m going to miss him a lot. The next day, when I thought my cousin ‘fang wo fei ji’ (which is not true), I cry out aloud, hiding under my pillow. I cried not because that I’m mad with my cousin, but because of the last night incident. Am I getting upset going to the wrong station? I don’t know.
I know that it is impossible for me to be with him. I know it’ll always be impossible. No matter he loves me or not, it’ll always be impossible. We were really far apart huh… Never mind, I’ll be okay. I’m happy as long as he is leading a healthy life, I’m happy as long as he is fine. However, it’s hurt when thinking that someday, he will has someone special in his life which it will not be me, and it’ll be more hurt when thinking that eventually, I’ll be invited to his wedding party. I can do nothing about it… Or perhaps, it’s me that don’t want to do anything about it. I really want to tell him my feeling. I really want to know his feeling. I really want to know his everything. But, something holds me back. Because he was my cousin and I’m not the perfect girl after all……

Wen Jie, I hope my feeling for you will fade away when I see you again next time. Cya again and happy forever….